November 28, 2009

Sanitary Insanity




Do you have a certain level of germaphobia? Thanks to the H1N1 Flu scare, I think most of us might be a bit more careful than we use to be. How many of the following can you answer "yes" to?

Do you use the complimentary wipes to clean the grocery cart?

Do you use a paper towel to open the door of a public restroom? Do you avoid touching anything while in there?

Do you avoid the handrail of stairs and escalators?

Do you wonder how many germs are on the nozzle of a bottle of liquid hand sanitizer even while squirting some on your hands?

Do you hold your breath when you walk by certain people?

Do you avoid handling cash because of the germ issue?

Do you push the elevator button with something other than your finger? Do you avoid elevators all together?

Do you vigorously wipe your utensils with your napkin at a restaurant? Do you then make contact with these utensils with just your teeth and not your lips?

If someone sneezes in a room, do you walk out? Do you make a derogatory remark while leaving?

Do you wipe down library books with a disinfectant wipe?

Do you avoid shaking hands?

Do you take your own pair of scissors and comb to the barber?

Do you have your own pair of bowling shoes? Do you have your own bowling ball?

Do you quickly wipe down the dental chair while no one is looking?

Do you clean the receiver before using public telephones?

Well, I guess that's enough. Can you think of any others? and, uh, would you mind backing up a little from you computer screen?















November 2, 2009

Baseball

It's that time of year where baseball gets kind of interesting. Some questions that I might ask a player:

You don't see a football, basketball or hockey coach wear the player's uniform, so why does the manager of a baseball team wear the same uniform as the players? Is there that slight possibility that the manager might actually get out there and play?

Why do you guys spit so much? Do you at home? If so, what does your wife think of it?

Now if I were to attempt to slide into a base, I'd run, fall and just stop dead in my tracks about five feet away from the base (writhing in unabashed pain). So, how do you actually do that slide?

Finally, how do you hit a ball going 90 mph? I don't suppose that's easy and that's one of the reasons I watch some.