Men Women and Laundry

Do women clean clothes better than your average man? I think so. Men will typically stuff as many clothes as they can in the washer, add some soap and hope for the best. Here is a sample of a white sheet cleaned by a man. We could call it adequate.

A woman on the other hand will more likely separate the clothes according to colors and materials and use a variety of detergents, bleaches, color guards, oxy cleaners and so forth to get those clothes looking brilliant and smelling like an afternoon rainstorm. Here is the same white sheet washed by a woman.

Avis Urbanus

You would think that it would be easy to get a bunch of ornithologists excited about my historic bird discovery but so far, no one seems to be interested. Fine, I don't mind taking all the credit, but they better not complain when I appear on the cover of National Geographic with my discovery. I seem to have come across a new bird species. Now I admit, I haven't exactly seen one yet, but I have heard them. They seem to nest quite frequently at urban intersections, especially those with stop lights. In fact, I think they actually make their nests somewhere inside the stop light itself. I notice this bird makes two types of sounds or calls. I believe the adult makes a distinct "cuckoo-cuckoo" sound while the chicks seem to respond to the adults by making a vibrant "chirp-chirp" sound. The only thing I have come up with so far is an artist's rendition of this magnificent bird, and since no one else seems interested I have given it a tentative name of Avis Urbanus. I'm sure once I get an actual photograph, then the bird enthusiasts will come knocking at my door. In the mean time I guess I'm on my own climbing up these stop light poles with my camera. Sure the gawkers may get their jollies looking up at me, but my discovery will be well worth it. Anyone want to take the night shift?

Incident at the stop light

Have you ever stopped alongside someone at a stop light minding your own business, but then you notice by your peripheral vision that he/she is staring at you. You don't want to make a big scene about it so you continue to look ahead as though it's not bothering you. Time ticks by slowly and you can feel the stare. "When is this light going to change?" you ask yourself as the stare starts to make your skin crawl. How rude! that constant unrelenting stare. Then you decide to fight fire with fire. You're going to abruptly turn your head and stare right back at him! No one is going to get the best of you in this game of wills. No sir! And so you look! and you see...

Buffet Transcript

Here is a transcript of a conversation I didn't actually have at a buffet but I just as well could have:

Me: Hello! my good-hearted fellow. I see you are the cashier at this fine establishment.

Him: Will that be two?

Me: Well, actually I wanted to talk to you about that. See my petite wife here really doesn't eat much and I was wondering if she could get in for say, I don't know, three bucks?

Him: (staring at me)

Wife: (staring at me with a very disappointed/painful look)

Me: No really, I have done a cost benefit analysis of this situation and if the two of us come in paying full price, we would certainly not come out ahead like our friendly pacific islander family will who came just before us, and I...

Him: (picking me up and throwing me out) Scram cheapskate!

Wife: (picking me up from the sidewalk and throwing me head first in the trunk of car) Stay here. I'm driving to another buffet and eating alone, in peace. Good grief!

Me: Yes dear.

Five six seven eight...

Five six seven eight and twist, two three four... yeah I think I got it down. I've decided to become a professional dancer. I figure if I have my own solo ballet, I wouldn't have to share any of the proceeds with anyone. So, if I sell tickets at $80 a pop in a 1000 seat theatre, that would be a cool $80,000 per performance. Sweet. Uh, anyone have a good boom box?


High kick dance routine in the dance studios

Just leave it alone

I'm not a real fan of caulking projects. It's an intense moment when the caulk is being squeezed out of the tube. Squeeze too little out then you try to go back and add some more and you make a mess or you squeeze too much and you wind up making a gloppy mess that way. Worst of all is when you do get it right the first time, but then, thinking you're a talented caulker, you try to fix or improve things (see illustration). My advice would be, if you have it looking "okay" just leave it alone.

First Kiss

Ah yes, the first kiss. I remember it as though it were yesterday. There she was beckoning me to "come hither" as her eyes sparkled in the moonlight. The beauty of her glistening hair was outmatched only by her womanly lips and her one eyebrow told me one thing: I've got to kiss this exemplar of womanhood. And so the rest is history.