Buffet Transcript

Here is a transcript of a conversation I didn't actually have at a buffet but I just as well could have:

Me: Hello! my good-hearted fellow. I see you are the cashier at this fine establishment.

Him: Will that be two?

Me: Well, actually I wanted to talk to you about that. See my petite wife here really doesn't eat much and I was wondering if she could get in for say, I don't know, three bucks?

Him: (staring at me)

Wife: (staring at me with a very disappointed/painful look)

Me: No really, I have done a cost benefit analysis of this situation and if the two of us come in paying full price, we would certainly not come out ahead like our friendly pacific islander family will who came just before us, and I...

Him: (picking me up and throwing me out) Scram cheapskate!

Wife: (picking me up from the sidewalk and throwing me head first in the trunk of car) Stay here. I'm driving to another buffet and eating alone, in peace. Good grief!

Me: Yes dear.